Archive for December, 2008

Christmas

Monday, December 22nd, 2008

Christmas cards are a tricky area when you’re running a small business. Buying them by the gross in January sales is one option. But your punters soon spot that these are cheap cards. Huh! So that’s what they think of me!
Email is a simple alternative. Costs nothing. In these days of economic stringency, they make a lot of business sense. But once you’ve looked at it (assuming you don’t delete it, fearful that it’s actually been planted by some 4ft Microsoft-hating scrote), what next? Yup, into the trashcan.
So it’s gotta be proper, Best Wishes From All At PMA, with a suitable image on the front. Hundreds of cards, hundreds of stamps, hundreds of arguments about whether they deserve a card or not. What a waste of time, money, energy. Humbug.
But there was a time when I made my own cards, and a few old friends have hung on to them. Goodness knows why. I did one with Ho Ho Ho on the cover, with a photograph of me dressed as Santa inside.
On another occasion, I was working at the Guardian and nabbed some photos of Miss World contestants sharing flats prior to the big day. I stuck these pictures of the cover, and wrote inside: “Love from me and the girls at the flat.” You wouldn’t believe the number of friends who thought they might pop round and visit me.
Another was a plain card, with a cutting from The Times inside. It said: “Keith Elliott will not be sending cards this year, and wishes all his friends a happy Christmas.”
Occasionally the need to be original went a bit far. One card that I sent to a friend working for the Northern Ireland Tourist Board got blown up.  It comprised kids’ playbricks, with X M E S R A Y R M painted on them. Security was convinced it was a bomb.
So be glad if you don’t get one of my cards, and settle for this column instead.

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The

Thursday, December 11th, 2008

One issue was noticeably swept under the carpet at an NCTJ skills conference. Nat Mags’ Lindsay Nicholson raised it, but nobody wanted to talk about it – because many of those in the room, I suspect, were guilty of what she condemned.
Magazines generally (with a couple of exceptions that I’ll tell you in private) are not the worst at abusing “work experience”. Television is positively criminal (are you reading this, Inland Revenue?); radio has little to be proud of and many newspapers survive on unpaid staff, sometimes working for months.
I think it’s outrageous that people are being used, to all intents as purposes, as journalists but being paid nothing but expenses (and sometimes, not even that).
The bait dangled before them is “the chance to show us what you can do”. The reality, especially in the current climate, is that they have more chance of discovering time travel than being offered a job.
The Revenue whacks adult-labour abusers pretty hard. According to Lindsay, who’s editorial director of National Magazines, the maximum you can get away with is four weeks. I thought it was two, but I suppose a month’s fair enough to understand the process that non-weeklies go through.
But over that? Listen, we’re talking, in most cases, people who have completed an accredited course. They’re going to be raw but should know the basics of libel, how to find a story and write an intro. To all intents and purposes, they are junior journos – except they are unpaid.
Many organisations are getting round this now by offering “internships”, which is just a scummy way to sidestep the law. Pay them a pittance (well below the minimum wage), get them to commit for up to a year and presto! Staff shortages solved, wages bill slashed.
By the way, the longest I’ve heard someone working for nothing is 14 months and counting. (No wonder this industry gets accused of being middle-class, because those without affluent parents have no chance.)  But maybe some poor sod out there can beat that.

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Tough

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

Looks like our plans to conquer the world may be taking a significant step forwards. In the light of what’s happening domestically, that may be no bad thing.
Don’t think I’ve ever had so many bad-news emails in a week. Former students, friends, editors I’ve had on courses: all bearers of bad tidings, losing their jobs or seeing all around doing so.
Another friend who runs a website said his ad revenue was 50 per cent down on the same period last year. “Nobody’s spending a thing,” he said gloomily.
You have to wonder whether the government has any idea how bad it really is, outside la-la land. No cheering festive message here: the predictions are that it’s still going to get worse before it starts to improve. Gulp.
On the plus side, we’ve been swamped with applications for our winter postgrad course. Could easily have run it with two groups, but what’s the point? I feel that we might be able to find a dozen jobs come April, but 24? No chance.
So God bless the rest of the world, and especially India. This week we started tying up details on a huge programme of training at all levels there. Just wish I was 20 years younger, cos it takes ages to recover from the jetlag these days, and I’ll be clocking up a lot of air miles over the next year.
Not all in search of Mammon, either. I promised an Indian friend that I would go to rural Bangladesh and help local journalists there. It’s going to happen early next year. Might give me an idea of what life will be like the UK soon, if things carry on as they are.

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