Archive for June, 2007

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Monday, June 25th, 2007

Just finished the toughest judging I’ve ever done. I foolishly volunteered to be head judge for the Asia Pacific Publishing Convention Awards. As well as having 40-odd entries to read through, I also got 40-something CDs with websites, every page of special issues and hour-long TV programmes.
So what’s so tough about that, you ask. Er, most of the entries are in Chinese. Or it could be Japanese. Or Taiwanese. Or just an evil joke by the organisers.
With the best will in the world, I have no idea whether it’s superb delivery, brilliant journalism or a load of patriotic twaddle. And I’m the head honcho. Tomorrow, I’ve got to argue the merits of an online tribute to Sun Yun-suan against Cosmopolitan’s 1016-page Indian issue and a revival of the traditional Malaysian baju kebaya in a conference call with the other judges. Twelve hours to go, and I still don’t know what half of it says.
Still serves me right for having a bit of a fun week. First, it was a party in Docklands to celebrate the relaunch of the Independent on Sunday. Once, such a party would have packed the pub; now, it took the balcony and half of an adjoining room, and there was still room to move around.
Met the new sports editor, who said he liked the fishing column. That’s good. Bad news is, no more space. Simon Kelner was there. And Janet SP, who unlike most celebs (who are about as tall as hobbits) towers over me.
Didn’t talk to her. Felt a bit intimidated, and I suspect her eyes would glaze over if I recited the fish you can now catch in the Thames Estuary.
I tried to impress the very weird music critic Simon Price (as in his picture byline, he really does wear strange appendages on his head that make him look like someone from Zargon) but the only fish he knew was the one from Marillion.
Had a really great start to Thursday, doing a session for PR people and entrepreneurs on getting into the press. One of those sessions where everyone laughs at even your really crap jokes.
Then it was all downhill. Took a train to Ascot to meet wife and daughters, and had the delight of standing in No7 car park for three hours because Riva (with my morning suit) had left late and got stuck in traffic. I was wearing a cream suit and it had three separate drenchings. Tried standing in the men’s loos, but felt like a pervert. And I didn’t win a thing when we eventually got in, just before 4pm.
After that, I suppose judging Chinese websites becomes almost pleasurable.

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The

Wednesday, June 13th, 2007

Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, I seem to have been doing a great deal of it recently. The first session was on finding jobs in newspapers and magazines for London University’s media day. As usual, everyone wanted to be a music, sports or travel journalist. Dream on.
Almost immediately afterwards, I was allocated 20 minutes on the basic things to look for in a local council publication at the Good Communications Awards. Not much you can say in 20 minutes, so I just did a few slides, showed a few pictures and tried to make ‘em laugh.
The two things that went down best were my favourite headlines: I Lost My Virginity to Superman’s Stuntman and a local paper special, Man’s Hat Blows Into River. (Not a big news area.)
I wasn’t expecting to be on an X-Factor-type panel in the afternoon, where various councils had six minutes to convince us why they should be Council of the Year.
“Can you be Simon Cowell? I was asked.
“Only if I can have his money,” I replied.
No such luck.
Camden won the day with a slick presentation whose theme was “Camden Rocks”. Our training rooms are in the London borough. Told them I knew all about Camden rocks, because someone had chucked one through our windows the previous week.
Two days later, it was off to David Hall Publishing in Daventry “to inspire his staff”.
I thought I had an hour; turned out I had two separate hourly sessions, which threw me a bit.
David and I have been friends for a long time, so when he started interrupting, as he’s prone to do, I said: “Shut up, Hally.”
The staff gasped. One confessed afterwards. “The best bit of the whole two days was hearing you tell our boss to shut up.”

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